Mother's Day Musings

As I sit here on this Mother's Day, it would come as no surprise that my thoughts are filled with all things related to motherhood. I was hoping for some amazingly pivotal and inspirational words, but there are none really. They are just simple. I have heard various opinions from mothers on how they feel about Mother's Day. Some love it because they get treated like a queen, other hate it because after the talks in church they feel like failures. I don't know if I so much relate to either of these categories. I enjoy Mother's Day--but I enjoy it because I reflect all day about how grateful I am to be a mother. Today my mind has traveled back six years to a day where Garrett and I were sitting in Dr. Jones's office in the Endocrinology Department at the University of Utah Hospital. We were going over test results. She said she was certain we were "a match made in heaven--just not fertility heaven." That day left a lot of unanswered questions, a lot of doubts, a lot of fear for our future. All I wanted in my life was to be a mom. And as you can see with our results today, the Lord clearly knew more than the doctor did that day, and I am forever grateful. And as I sat there with the sting of tears still fresh in my eyes, I truly didn't know what the future held for me. And six years later, I think of all the other things I didn't know that day.

I didn't know:
what true sleep deprivation felt like
what the pain of contractions felt like
how ugly stretch marks would be
that breastfeeding can be very difficult
that after I had a baby, my hair would fall out in handfuls and be thinner than ever
that I would cry when my baby got his first shots
that motherhood would mean I would worry about SO much
that having a baby meant less time for myself
that nine months can seem so long, yet one year of a baby's life goes by SO fast
what a true "jab in the ribs" felt like
that I'd go in to the office with spit up on my shirt and not even know it
that I would wear smashed up graham crackers in my hair
that 'dry clean only' clothes would no longer have a place in my closet
there would be days I wouldn't shower or put on makeup
that I would be more scared about the responsibility of being a mom once I was one
that I would become a mom and raise my kids 2,000 miles away from my own mom

BUT...
I also didn't know:
that every item above would be SO worth it and such a blessing in my life
how wonderful and right it would feel to hold my baby for the first time
that a pair of cheeks could be so irresistible to kiss
that I would look into my child's eyes and see so much promise, so much potential, and all that is pure and good
that I would better understand the Lord's love for me
that I could be overcome with emotion and moved to tears, just by watching my baby sleep
that my babies would be the most beautiful babies in the world, simply because they are mine
that I would love my husband more because we are in this together
how much sadness and joy I would feel all at the same time, by watching my babies grow up
that I would hope for nothing more than my children to grow up in the gospel and make good choices
that I would love my own mom so much more--I truly appreciate her because I now see all that she did for me
that a baby giggle is the most beautiful song in the whole world
that there is something reassuring about being able to comfort your child when he's scared
how funny a 3 year old can be
what "Turbo Tax eggs" were
that I would love a second baby just as much as the first
that becoming a mom would make me realize why I always wanted to be a mom

So, fast forward six years and two miracles later, I am just feeling pretty darn blessed to be a mom. To be learning oodles more from my kids than they ever could from me. It's only been 3 1/2 short years, but it's hard to even imagine what life was like before Tyler and Sam. And I'm just feeling lucky to know what I know now and look forward to finding out all of those other things I didn't know...
And I can't talk about motherhood without talking about my own mom. She pulled off this motherhood thing (to 7 kids) with more class and grace than I could ever hope to have. How she did it, I don't know. But I do know I am grateful every day for all she taught me!
And don't fall off your seat when you see that I handed my camera over... I hate being in pictures, but I also want my boys to know that I actually existed when they look at their pictures years from now. And Tyler can know that I proudly wore my necklace today. :)
My Mother's Day was fun. Low key and fun, just as it should be! I got to watch Tyler sing (or stand, anyways) with the primary kids during Sacrament meeting, got my plant, got a pink carnation and a pink beaded necklace from Tyler after primary--the usual fun stuff! And thanks to Garrett for going out of your way in making this a great Mother's Day. I will get pampered at Belladonna Day Spa with a massage and a pedicure and he also had a huge meal all worked up for today. He did some Bobby Flay recipe for soy-ginger-lime grilled shrimp, rib eye steak, and an Emeril recipe for garlic roasted potatoes. I was impressed, to say the least! And he also went and got all the stuff with both of the boys while I was at a baby shower yesterday. That is a feat in and of itself. And I came home to find his recipes all printed up and a grocery list that he had typed up in Excel and printed to take with him. I don't think I (the obsessive compulsive list maker that I am) have even done that before! Thanks, honey!!

And Happy Mother's Day to my mom, Sheila, our grandmas, sisters, sisters-in-law, and all the many amazing mothers out there who I am blessed to know!!