
Hi. I'm Sam. Some of you may know me and if you don't you probably at least recognize me from this blog, since my mom posts an excessive amount of pictures of me on here. Well, you may also know that I just turned one on Sunday. And now that I am one, my mom says it's time for me to start pulling my weight around here and start contributing to this blog. So my first assignment is to tell you all about how I survived my first birthday. It has taken me a few days to become mentally stable enough to talk about it, but now I am ready. So, here's how it went down...
I woke up on Sunday, feeling as fresh and alive as a new one year old could be. I had two brand new top teeth poking through my gums and my mom said that was a present to her since they have been coming in for SOOO long. As a new one year old, I felt an undeniable new sense of independence so I figured I'd help Mom unload the dishwasher (because she had to unload the dishwasher in order to make me my breakfast). Helping with the dishes was a lot of fun, but I also found it to be a lot of work. I was tired and wondered if I should just head back to bed.

But I kept working because now that I am one, it is expected of me, of course. But sure enough, I was just working away, and I threw this plate right on to the floor and it shattered into a million pieces. My mom scooped me right up and put me in my high chair so she could clean it up. She said she should have put the camera down sooner so that wouldn't have happened. Her bad, I guess.

So she swept up all that glass and then made me the traditional chocolate chip birthday pancakes and I feasted away. Mmmm, this birthday business is sure messy. I of course had to go straight to the bath after I finished.

After the bath, I took a nap while my mom baked some cake for the party later. When I woke up, we had to kill some time before we went to church, so I watched a Baby Einstein DVD. I was totally enthralled with it at first.

But then I thought, 'this is BABY Einstein, and I ain't no baby anymore. I'm a freakin' year old now. I am much better off practicing my climbing skills than watching some hand puppet draw shapes. That's for babies.' So, off to the climbing I went.


And I got all the way up on the top of the couch and my mom finally put her camera down and saved me from my near death of falling between the couch and the chair. Phew.

And then it was time for church and my mom insisted that my dad take some pictures of her and me together because she said she's been sad to look through pictures this last year and there are almost none of us together. So she handed the camera over to Dad to have him take a few (but not before she messed with all the settings just right and stuff, cuz she is kind of picky about that...). So I smiled for a few pictures and then we headed off to church.


Church from 1-4 pm was hard because I should have been sleeping peacefully in my crib, but I survived and we came home and got all ready for my party. But since my mom was busy moving stuff from the kitchen out to the table, she didn't realize that I had crawled into the kitchen. When she found me, I had blood gushing out of my knee. So then she also realized that she hadn't swept up the glass very well from when I chucked that plate onto the floor earlier in the morning. So she dug the piece of glass out of my knee, cleaned up the blood, and we were good to go.

This is the cake my mom made me for my birthday. Supposedly I was supposed to be really excited about it, but I'm not sure why. And my mom wants to make sure that y'all aren't jealous of her mad cake decorating skills or anything.

So we were getting ready to start the party and my pesky older brother Tyler got all excited about the noise makers and made this most horrendous noise and it scared the poop out of me. I screamed my head off and wouldn't let my mom put me down for at least 30 minutes. And then I wouldn't go within 20 feet of those noise makers for the rest of the night. They are pure evil as far as I'm concerned.

So we finally got that incident out of the way and it was time to get the par-tay started. My shirt came off, I got put in the high chair, the lights went out, flames were ignited and people started singing. My mom put my dad on 'cake duty' so she could take pictures and he plopped that cake right in front of me and everyone sang. My mom took this picture:

And about two seconds later I grabbed one of those cool yellow fire things shooting out of my cake, and it hurt. I cried for a second.

But then I regained my composure, only to grab the red hot wick and dripping hot wax, and that's when all hell broke loose. (Well, I guess I should say heck since I am only one and stuff, I shouldn't use such strong language).

Then it really hurt, I mean really bad. I had blisters on my fingers and everything. And then my mom got mad at my dad and said that he shouldn't have put the cake that close to me and then my dad got mad at my mom and said that her picture taking endeavors are endangering the children and they'd be safer if she'd put the camera down. He also told her something about the fact that candles shouldn't be put on cakes for one year olds--it's too dangerous. I didn't really care what they were saying--I just wanted someone to help me.
So after 20 minutes of screaming, and some Ibuprofen, playing in a sink full of cold water, I finally felt a little better. But I couldn't BELIEVE that these people were still going to try to get me to eat this evil thing. They kept putting me in my high chair, but I was having none of it. They were trying all sorts of tricks. First they gave me a sippy cup and then put me in my chair. I was fine with that as long as the cup was held up to my mouth and I couldn't see the cake.

And then they went so far as to put a little frosting in my mouth to try to show me that it tasted good (supposedly it was going to take my mind off the pain and fear--whatever), but hello! You try to put that burn inducing stuff near my mouth? I don't think so!

So they just let me crawl around and play while they all ate their cake and I was fine with that because I didn't want any birthday cake anyways. I couldn't figure out what all the rage was about. I did crawl over to my mom at one point and she gave me a bite of hers with a spoon. It was pretty good. Then she gave me another and another. Ingenious, I thought! Being able to eat the cake without touching it. Now we're talking.

So I got put back in the high chair with a spoon in hand and proceeded to eat my birthday cake. And the evil cake didn't even burn me one time using this method. And besides, now that I am one I probably should be doing mannerly things like using utensils anyways. I don't know why anyone would want to dig into their cakes. It's highly overrated.

I'm starting a new trend of eating the first birthday cake with a spoon. I'm sure it will catch on in no time at all.

So I finished off the birthday cake and it was time for presents. Again, I couldn't really figure out what all the rage was about, but my mom made me come and open them. I stuck my tongue out a lot at this point.

I got some new books from Aunt Marilee.

And a puppy from Grandma A.

And a whole slew of other things. Grandma A also sent me my very own package of mini Oreos. Hello, she knows the way to a man's heart! I also got a John Deere shape sorting barn, and a few other John Deere toys and books.

And then the sugar kicked in and I started getting cray-zay!


Oh yeah, I also got these cool new shoes from my friend Luke. It was funny to be wearing them since I haven't worn shoes since I was three months old. My mom says that I have bricks for feet and claims that she can't get any shoes on my feet. But these ones seem to work, so I'll be cruising around this joint in no time at all!

And then I played around with my friend Luke

and played on my new toy from Grandma T.

And then finally this crazy day came to an end and it was time to go to bed. So I put on my cute new dino jammies from Aunt Marilee and I had my new puppy that my parents gave me (they were trying to get me one like Tyler's, but his ugly, worn, abused puppy is SOOO much better than this new one, seriously) and got ready for bed.

But not before Tyler blew that dang noise maker again and scared me to death.

So I stole his puppy to get back at him. That'll teach him. Watch out, Tyler. Now that I'm one, I am a force to be reckoned with.

So that, dear blog readers, is the story of how I survived my first birthday. The blisters are healing nicely, thank you for asking. And after having a moment to reflect on the day, I can say that I learned a few things. I learned that my parents are not very smart, and that I'd be much safer if my mom didn't take so many dang pictures. And as for how I feel about birthdays--the verdict is still out on that one. Oh yeah, and my mom wants to include the stats from my doctor's appointment yesterday too:
24 pounds, 2 ounces (70th percentile)
30 inches tall (60th percentile)
19 1/4 inches--head (95th percentile)
The End.