Hard to Believe

It's hard to believe that at this time one year ago, I was at the hospital waiting to get checked in, enduring some serious contractions, while Mr. Sam was working his hardest to make his escape from the increasingly cramped quarters he had called home for 9 months. At the time all I could think about was getting an epidural. I couldn't even think about holding him or seeing him, I was just in pain and wanted something for it!

And it's hard to believe how quickly the memory of all that pain subsides once you're holding your little miracle in your arms. Today, the pain of labor is but a faint memory because the memory of the birth simply just includes the feelings of immense love and gratitude for sweet little miracles.
It's hard to believe that just one year ago I was not quite even holding my baby in my arms yet, and now he squirms right out of my arms because he's much more interested in other things. A year ago I could hold him and swaddle him and cuddle him all I wanted. And tonight, one year later, I tried to force a little extra cuddle time before bed, a chance to sing another song, just so I could have one more moment to hold my "baby" before he's not a baby anymore. I wanted the chance to soak it all in and savor that baby smell and try to remember it for the rest of my life.
It's hard to believe how incredibly fast 365 days can go. It blows me away. Really, how is it possible that he's already one? As 'cliche' as it sounds, I truly feel like I had him yesterday. How do you put into words how much you really love your own child? I've come to the conclusion that it is literally impossible for me to do so.
I have loved this year of my life because it has included one year of Sam's life. I'm so grateful to be able to share in his life and watch him grow and see the little boy he is becoming. I have a really hard time seeing my kids grow up, I honestly would keep them little forever if I could. But at the same time, I absolutely love their personalities and seeing them emerge a little more every day.
A year ago, I quite positively swooned over my sweet baby boy and not much has changed today. I cannot look at him, observing all those little expressions, without smiling myself. He is an absolute joy in my life!
It's hard to believe that it's possible to love them more than you did the day they were born, but somehow it happens and I wouldn't give it up for anything.
Happy Birthday, Sam! I love you to the moon and back a thousand times--no, make that a million.
And now, let me just gain my composure so we can celebrate the big day tomorrow...