I knew this day was coming...

but I'm sitting here full of mixed emotions. I am in the midst of an internal meltdown over the matter, actually. I am so excited for my boy and excited to see him learn and grow, just as I always have been. But the day comes and I question whether I did enough to prepare him for the big bad world, and whether I seized the opportunity to appreciate every moment I had with him under my roof every day, before he went on to bigger and better things--like kindergarten.

It's been a season of change in our household as of late with both of my boys. And I have taken it all in stride, until this weekend. We bought them bunk beds, and rid our household of anything remotely baby like. No crib, no changing table, no diapers...nada. And Sam kept finding old stuff that I was putting away and he'd say "was that mine when I was just a baby? A cute, tiny, little baby?" And I would usually nod and mumble "mmm hmmm", while choking down the lump in my throat.

How did this happen? How are my babies not babies anymore? I knew it was coming, I just didn't know it would come so fast. It smacked me in the face this weekend, what can I say? And as I tucked them into their brand new beds on Sunday night--both of them excited as could be, beaming from ear to ear, I once again choked back the tears and told them I loved them, wishing there was a way they could really know just how much. And I closed the door, and walked out to the living room, wondering how they would sleep in their new big beds and then I saw it. I saw Tyler's puppy that he's slept with every night for the last five years. Literally. And there it was on the floor, completely forgotten about and not needed. And yep, I lost it. I picked it up and smelled it, remembering my snuggly baby boy dragging his puppy behind everywhere he went and wondering how on earth we have fast forwarded 5 years to the present--where the boy rides a bike, has learned how to swim, sleeps on the top bunk, and hardly resembles that chubby little baby boy I used to know.

And now, he moves on to his years of formal education. And how can I not be excited for him when I see how excited he is for himself? I know it will be great, and I knew I'd feel this way, but I was not expecting it to hit me this hard. But I'm sure I will adjust and we all will, and I will do my best to love this stage just as I have the others. But you can also bet that when I checked on my boys before I went to bed myself, I tucked that little puppy underneath the arm of the boy on the top bunk.

And yes, I plan to resume updating the rest of the summer, but today I just had to have my 'moment'. :)